The Pressure of Being a Single Chinese Woman

I just read an article on BBC about China's "leftover women". Nine out of 10 guys think that women over 27 is too old to become a potential wife. These women are labled as leftovers or sheng nu. Chinese women are offended by the term sheng nu, though it's still wildly used.

Read the full article about China's "leftover women" on BBC.

In other countries, men aren't that obsessed with age as much as Chinese men do. What the Chinese consider as old is quite young to other nationalities. I guess their high regard for age can be rooted from their culture.

Chinese gives importance to bearing offsprings (especially male offsprings). It is the children's duty to light the incense of their ancestors. If they have no offprings, no one will do these stuff and the ancestors' souls will get lost. So yes, it's quite scary to be childless for Chinese couples.


Chinese marry not just for love but also to fulfuill their duty for their ancestors. A woman's fertility is very important. As the woman grows older, her egg cells deteriorate. Though older women can still bear children, they have less chances of getting pregnant compared to their younger counterparts. That's why Chinese women become less desirable as they age.

I'm about to reach this age where I'll be called a sheng nu if I lived in China. I'm lucky that it's quite different in Manila, but the pressure is still there. The ideal age to get married here is right after (or a few years after) college graduation. That is between 21 to 25. Filipino-Chinese, however, marry a bit later than Filipinos. Getting married around 30 is considered quite normal in my ethnicity.

What does "Filipino-Chinese" mean? Learn about the different types of Chinese in the Philippines.

I would still hear a lot of Filipino-Chinese girls, even in their early 20's, worry about being single. They would actively search for potential partners by attending events for Filipino-Chinese community and joining study tours. Some would even resort to matchmaking. They do this because of the rule that most Chinese families still practice today: marry only your own kind. They can only marry Filipino-Chinese, not Chinese from Mainland China, and not Filipinos. As if it's not hard enough to find a spouse within the small Chinese community in the Philippines, pure-blooded Chinese are even discouraged from marrying half-blooded Chinese.

I know that there are some ethnic groups that practice much stricter rules than we do. In one ethnic group in Nepal, they can only marry the person chosen by their parents. They totally lack the freedom to love. I don't want to be forced to marry someone I don't love. If that's the case, I'd rather not marry. So I still consider myself lucky even if I'm single.

You can read my Squidoo lens about Matchmaking. It's really interesting.;)

I don't know what God's plans are for me. I just try to be happy with my life, and I'll gladly accept whatever blessing He'll give me. Who says sheng nu can't live a happy and fulfilling life?