January Blues

Hello everyone! I haven't been here for a while and I missed being cheerfulnuts.:) Since I got back from Christmas vacation, I've been feeling blue. Probably because of the sudden change of the atmosphere. December had been a really great month and I was kind of in denial that it was over. I thought my sadness would quickly go away, but it lingered on for the entire month. Sometimes, I would get so blue that I would burst into tears (of course I'd do this when no one is around).


It was really weird. I couldn't explain why I was feeling so depressed. All of a sudden, I just felt that I was lost, like I didn't know why I was alive. I stayed away from people, woke up very late every morning, slept very late every night, and didn't write anything for Squidoo or my blogs. I felt like I have no ability to control my life. I felt so weak, so helpless, and so useless. 

I tried to cheer myself up. I watched a Taiwanese idol drama for an entire week. It did help me feel better, but after I finished the series, reality started to sink in. It made me realize that perhaps some people who watch TV all day hate their lives and want to live in another world. I felt just like that. I didn't want to live my real life.

I didn't want to think about my real life. I have too many worries. I worry about the health of my parents who grow older each day. I worry about money. I worry about being alone. I worry about a lot of things that I have no control over.

In the last few days of January, my mood somehow lifted. I started functioning again and posted my very first drama review on my Asian Drama blog. I started rereading my old entries and it reminded me how much I had enjoyed writing them. I could see my passion in my works. I don't know if I'll earn from that blog, but I'll keep adding contents to it because that is what I love doing. I have been sad and lost last month. but I'm glad to have found myself again.

I still have my worries, but I want to focus my energy on things that make me feel happy and useful. For a change, I will make this year extra special. A lot of things are stopping me from going out of my shell and exploring the world, but I will do my best to learn things and grow up.